My heartstrings have been tugged on quite often of late. With revelations and closures, new friendships and connections are forged. They are amazing and wonderful and mindblowing but also frightening and disconcerting at the same time because there is now something to lose.

But I am happy. I truly am and I hope with all my heart that you are too. x

not that i'm unaware of it, but sometimes we get so caught up with life and chasing the bigger things - the next exotic getaway, that gorgeous Prada bag etc - that there's a tendency to forget that it's the minute things, the smallest of actions that truly matter.

like how you never fail to prepare my contact lens solution in the casing whenever we get home cause you know laziness always gets to me and i'll end up removing them hours later. or the nights i enter the toilet and see my toothbrush with toothpaste on it laid neatly on the counter. how you always tell me not to hurry and to take my time even though it means you have to wait for me and that is despite me grumbling whenever you make me wait because patience is not my virtue, like it's yours. and how you always ask me what i feel like having for our meals and you'll try your very best to satiate my never ending cravings, even if it means we have to travel halfway across the island for ba kut teh, or traipsing into the ulu-ness of greenwood. 

it's always me before you.

and if there's anyone who can look like Love, it's you :)

 

can't believe hols are ending in 3 days time. this is probably one of the most fulfilling dec hols ever because i made full use of my time but yet I still had my weekly dosage of me-time. so it's all good :)

i've been thinking a lot about choices relating to The-Next-Step lately. i have yet to make up my mind if i should pursue hons because i don't know what i want to do. i'm probably inflicted with short sightedness (pun intended) because i cannot, for the life of me, see anything beyond studying. everyone's been asking me what i want to do and i have no idea. okay? it's a little early cause technically i still have one last sem to go before i decide. but there's this niggling speech bubble that pops up at the back of my mind every now and then. 

what if i do hons but i end up taking up a job in the private sector? then i waste one year and $$ since i've heard that grades' biggest impact is on the first job, and work experience matter much more later. what if i don't do hons and i see a job opening in the govt sector that i feel is my life calling? what if i choose to do hons and i can't maintain my cap?

so many what-ifs. I NEED SOME ILLUMINATION.
 

been a long time since i've last been here. half the time my hiatus can be attributed to laziness, the other half is usually me not knowing what to say, or rather feeling that the words and sentences that i string together are somewhat inadequate of fully expressing my inner thoughts. but since it's the end of the year, i guess that calls for a cliche summation-of-the-year-cum-resolutions entry.
 
when i was roused from my sleep this morning and it dawned upon me that it was the last day of 2010, i felt panic creep into me and i was overwhelmed by a sense of profuse wistfulness. countless of questions and flashbacks of the year loomed in my head. where did the year go? how come time flew by so quickly? what have i been doing this year? did i waste it or make full use of it? do i have any regrets or?

then i concurred that that this year has been extremely good to me and even though we always have to improve ourselves and make better the future as compared to yesteryear, i've also been taught to be contented with what i have. and i'm very indeed. i am very thankful for (almost) everything the higher being above has blessed me with this year and it almost makes me feel a little anxious of the uncertainty of a brand new year ahead. i guess what always spooks us is the unknown, especially for me because i like things to be predictable. but that's just me. love didn't fail to provide and results for these two semesters made me believe once again that hard work does pay off and i guess i will continue trying my best in the arena of studies. and even though planning nearly killed me, being the 'perfectionist' i'm when it comes to certain things, i had a great 21st party. i went on two trips, to my childhood dream destination gold coast and good ol' bangkok and that partially fulfills the wanderlust in me. but we always want more and it is obviously not quenched as of yet so one resolution will be to visit new places in this upcoming year. i think the only big bad thing that brought me down this year was losing this particular group of friends. that greatly affected me initially but i no longer feel any regret or pain because the friends who are still standing by me are enough for me and i don't feel like i'm missing anything at all. my conscience is clear; i hurt no one and i guess people do come and go. so second resolution of the year: to not be hung up and learn to let go when the time calls for it.

to the people who brought joy and sparkle to my life, thank you. one of my resolutions would be to do the same as well.

1 year = 12 months = 365 days. i hope all of us make the very best out of this brand new year and spend it to the fullest. cheers :)

school is now well into its third week and the work's piling in. thank God for all the meetup lunches though. almost everyday i find myself doing some form of work, be it my summary assignments or readings, even when i feel knackered from the early lessons, travelling to school and all that awful coughing. its great cause it makes me feel organized, (i always feel like i need at least some things under control. hate the feeling of uncertainty and having the situation spiral out of control) but at the expense of sufficient rest which isn't helping my cough at all. at least i attempt to do whatever i can to alleviate my symptoms.. unlike a certain friend of mine who evidently has a stubborn streak in her. haha

i enjoyed this trip to bkk much more than the previous because i already knew what to expect - always to be on guard and not be all stoney when in darker alleys so that i won't get the shock of my life when i suddenly spy a dishevelled man sitting by the corner with hands outstretched asking for donations or crawling towards me. we covered platinum, chatuchak and union mall within 2 days and i think it was just sufficient. the weather was a mega turnoff + killer when we were in chatuchak on the second day. the scorching sun and poor ventilation in the lanes made the walking quite unbearable and i felt really faint at some point. i literally embraced the airconditioning with open arms in union mall which we headed to after. the shopping this time round was much better and though i only bought like 14 pieces, none were impulsive buys and i really like all of my loot! was constantly debating if i should get some stuff back to sell and while we decided against it, ultimately a choice need not have been made cause we spent all our money. haha like all of it, except for 10baht hidden in my wristlet which we only discovered upon getting back home. i didn't get to have the kickass yummy salted egg prawns in Koka since it was in the burnt wing of Central World but a not bad jappy korean bbq place plus my favourite bak mee, super cheap ice monster mango snow ice and the bestest albeit a little salty charsiew ever made up for it :) and i will probably stay at Asia Hotel again since its directly connected to the BTS and the hotel interior was pretty grand and our room was spacious and clean and there was cable tv access. i also did a mani and pedi for $20sgd, both designs which i really love because the person was really meticulous and its dirt cheap considering how elaborate the designs were :)) am extremely lucky to have kenneth whose knowledge of all the places that we wanted to go (no need for any maps!) and basic thai bridged the conversational gap between the locals and prevented any excessive touting and all of that made the flow of the trip smooth without any hiccups. indeedy a superman with tons of patience for me and i'm very thankful :) 

i'm blogging about bkk first because one paragraph is enough to capture the highlights but definitely not the case for Aussie. I need the mood to properly pen down every memory of the experience.. that which i clearly lack right now so that's an entry for another time.
Current Mood: calm